Come Fly with Me

What’s your favorite part of flying? I think mine would definitely have to be the part where I get to take off my shoes and walk through security scanners on a dirt-infested floor while getting scoped out by airport security in all of my full-frontal nude x-ray glory. No wait, maybe it’s the part where I get to take every item out of my luggage and reveal personal items that are usually reserved to top dresser drawers. Any way you look at it, airport security is no walk in a field of flowers and has definitely put a bad thought in every mind alike. At least serve complimentary cocktails while waiting in the never-ending line to humiliation; that may make things somewhat tolerable after realizing you just spent $75 on extra baggage fees. But do you think any of this extra security is actually helping us? Just the other day skycaps were fired from Miami International for letting bags by without going through security and without checking the luggage’s weight. Now I’m not a physics major, but I’m pretty sure weight and baggage play a big role in how a plane takes off and flies. And if I’m not mistaken weight and take-off were the same variables that played in the formula resulting in Aaliyah’s death via plane crash. How did the skycaps let baggage through without security or weight checking? I guess it’s the same question answered when you see that misfit in VIP at any club in South Beach. Slip the bouncer, in this case the skycap, a $20 and you, or your bags, can get in anywhere. It’s the Miami way. Click here for the article.

Pee On You

Sexually active people everywhere will be peeing on their phones. Has the cost of healthcare gotten so bad that we feel the need to pee on our cell phones to verify whether or not a sexually transmitted disease has been contracted? I mean forget all those doctor fees and don’t even begin to mention what lab work costs nowadays. Have we let the cost of current healthcare get us to this point? Or is it that we as Americans have developed such a love affair with our phones and what they can do that we continuously push the bar as to what is acceptable phone behavior. I don’t recall peeing on your phone as “acceptable phone behavior” either, but anyways check out this story about an app under development that promises to give you your STD results only if you pee on your phone. Everyone go ahead and practice your aim R. Kelly style.

Feelin' Good

Saw this and agree 100%. People are never going to live up to my expectations…In my world, everyone is perfect and they all know what I’m thinking and they comply with everything I say and think I am the smartest, greatest, wittiest, most beautiful person ever to grace her stiletto heels along the concrete sidewalks. Until my world exists in real life I can never let the negativity or disappointment of others get to me. I will never carry an umbrella because no one is going to rain on MY parade. Besides they can’t step into my world without paying the mortgage on my abstract soul space. Have a beautiful day and let go of grudges like you went to rehab for it.

Celebrities Anonymous...

Celebrities Anonymous should be a help group for famous people that let the fame get to their head and make them do things an otherwise rational person wouldn't do. Like making a single when you can't sing just because. I’m getting on Garage Band tonight and mixing up something in 4 hours that will be exponentially better than this. When you’re known for reality TV, a fragrance and an over-synthesized single, it’s time to throw in the towel. When is enough, enough? At first, I liked the fact Kim didn’t let a leaked sex tape turn into an ashamed self-regretful incident. She became popular and stuck her middle finger out to the world. Yeah! I have a sex tape and it leaked and I’m going to sell it to you suckers. I liked that! Power to women and all that crap. But saying NO sometimes can be quite empowering as well. I just don’t think that’s in Ms. Kardashian’s vocabulary. Just Say No Kim! Maybe after the Wal-Mart clothing line, the QVC make-up line and the inevitable autobiography it will be over, just maybe. Who is buying this anyways?

Everyone say AWWWWWW!

With all the craziness going on after the mid-term elections I think its time to step back and clear some heads. Just take a breath and relax and look at puppies. How cute is that puppy? His name is Boo and is all over Facebook. I mean he is REALLY cute…It’s that I want to pick him up and squeeze him and throw him against the wall kind of cute. Right? Anyone? Ok…that may be just me. The dog is just too friggin’ cute. Check his Facebook profile here. The dog has more fans than Lindsay Lohan right now.

To Infinity!

There are two things that get better with time: wine and Toy Story movies. Every Toy Story sequel is better than the previous one. Toy Story 2 was better than the original Toy Story, and Toy Story 3 beats all. I just don’t understand why the Target clerk didn’t share my same enthusiasm for the trilogy yesterday. You see my mom and I were picking up a gaming console for a Christmas present and chose to purchase the package that came with the blueray DVDs of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 and the Toy Story 3 video game. I was so excited that I started blurting out Toy Story quotes. My favorite goes something like, “Well I brought in my DINOSAUR…who EATS magnetic force field dogs!” It was at that point when the clerk smirked at me and shook his head condescendingly. Yea…ok…whatever…I’m not the one who spends my day playing and selling video games. Who’s the bigger dork here?

SMH Cats

A phenomenon has erupted throughout the Internet as of recently and I’m finally taking a stand against it. It’s those stupid CATS! You know the ones I’m talking about…the I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER LOL CATS. Who decided pictures of cats or kittens with misspelled, grammatically incorrect phrases are amusing? It’s just stupid. It really is. It has no point and it’s so incredibly annoying. This definitely trumps the Olsen twins and those stupid movies they would make in the early ‘90s. Honestly it really is, and every time someone prints out, forwards or attaches one of those LOL CATS images a baby dies. Can we end this? Thanks. Dogs are way cooler anyways. Think about it. People with dogs are cool and people with cats…especially a lot of cats are certified whack jobs.